


Insecurities

by HidingintheInkwell



Category: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: Catherine is so done with everyone, Insecure!Nick, M/M, Oblivious Grissom, Sara cannot get a clue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 16:23:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14524530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HidingintheInkwell/pseuds/HidingintheInkwell
Summary: Sara comes on to Grissom. Nick gets a little insecure





	Insecurities

Nick knew he was being stupid, letting his mind get the better of him, but right now, as he sat in his car, head resting against his steering wheel while he fought to catch his breath, he couldn’t help the little termites of doubt that chewed their way through his cerebral cortex. 

 

Just another ordinary day at the office. Catherine and Warrick had been sent out to a 501 off 7th street, and Nick had just finished up a no foul hit and run and was back in the lab running tests on a case they’d picked up earlier in the week, naked male DB off I-15, no identification, covered in bruises and found in the middle of a cactus field. COD theory had been intoxication, but tox screen had come back negative. So they were stumped as to how a 45 year old man ended up in a cactus patch in the middle of the desert in the buff. He was on his way to DNA to talk to Mandy about some prints they’d managed to find when he heard voices in the breakroom. Two very distinct voices. Slowing to a pause just outside the open door, he peered in to see Grissom and Sara. Grissom was leaned back against the counter, pot of coffee in one hand and a mug in the other, an unreadable expression on his face. Sara was standing close, well past invading Grissom’s personal space and bordering on nearly pornographic. From where Nick stood, he could see that one of Sara’s hands was resting on the counter next to Grissom’s hip, the other tracing up and down their supervisor’s chest. Nick couldn’t make out what was being said, but he could tell by vocal tones that Saara was doing most of the talking, and it was likely along the lines of “Hey, Grissom, what say we head back to my place after shift and I can make us some breakfast, maybe slip into something more… comfortable.” Not necessarily in those words, but along those lines. 

 

It was no secret among the lab that Sara had a crush on their boss the size of Texas itself, had since she’d first been brought in after Holly died. It had struck Nick as a classic case of “student falls in love with the professor”, but it had never gone away, even when Grissom made no effort encourage it, had in fact rebuffed it on more than one occasion. But right now, as Nick watched the two, watched Sara practically glue herself to the front of the older man, he felt something inside him break. 

 

He and Grissom had only been dating a few months, hell they hadn’t even gone past some admittedly rather heated makeout sessions. It had started with coffee after a case involving an abducted child and ended with a human trafficking ring. The older man had approached Nick in the locker rooms when he was packing up to head home and invited him over for breakfast. One breakfast turned into two, turned into an impromptu lunch during a lull in a case. Nick had been trying to bury his feelings for the man since the day he’d transferred to Vegas from Texas. Gilbert Grissom had been an idol to him, was the main reason he’d wanted the job at the LVPD Crime Lab. He’d worked his ass off trying to live up to expectations he thought would make the man proud of him, but nothing worked. Then Evaluation Day had rolled around, and he’d all but had his ass handed to him by the man he idolized, a man who sat there and made him repeat children’s riddles before telling him he wasn’t ready if he kept trying to please the older man. Nick would have thought that had been it in regards to his feelings for his boss; as sound a rejection as any, time to piece together the broken remains of his heart and move on. Unfortunately, said heart had had other plans, and when Grissom’s invite back to his townhouse for a post-case victory meal turned into a breath stealing kiss against the living room wall, said heart had been cheering worse than teenage girls at a boy band concert. 

 

They’d decided to keep it hidden, though Nick suspected Catherine knew. The women was scary sometimes with her  omniscience . Nick had been hesitant, though. Grissom was handsome, well known, brilliant, he could have whoever he wanted. Not to mention Nick had always believed the man was straighter than the stick up Ecklie’s ass. So it had come as a complete, if not unwelcome surprise when Grissom had pinned him to the wall that morning and captured Nick’s mouth in his. The man reassured him every chance they got, at work or off, that he loved Nick, wanted only Nick and was attracted only to Nick, but now seeing him just standing there while Sara practically undressed him in the breakroom, doing  _ nothing _ to stop her advances, a fragile part inside Nick snapped and he was dropping the file he’d been meaning to take to Mandy, papers fanning out across the floor, not even drawing the attention from the occupants on the other side of the door. Then he was walking, practically  _ running _ back the way he’d come, dodging lab techs and nearly knocking the cup of coffee Catherine was carrying out of her hand when he passed. The woman tried to call him, get his attention, but he was rounding a corner and out the door to his car. Throat burning and eyes stinging. 

****

Catherine and Warrick had just gotten back from their case--drunk driver collided head on with another vehicle, drunk driver uninjured, other critical but expected to pull through--and had stopped for decent coffee before making their way back to the lab. While Warrick had gone to do the write-up to send to PD and store the collected evidence for the DD’s trial, Cath and coffee had been making her way down to try and find Grissom, let him know she was back and see if he wanted her on the case of the naked man in the cactus patch when she nearly found herself wearing the four dollar cup of coffee as Nick all but ran past her. The look on his face was heart wrenching, the young CSI looking close to tears but fighting to keep a brave face. Turning with the momentum to maintain the contents of her cup where they belonged, she watched his progression down the hall, calling out to see if he wanted to talk, but he was rounding the corner and a moment later she heard the tell tale  _ snk _ of the outside door closing behind a person. Frowning, and realizing there was only one man who’d be able to tell her why Nicky looked like someone had punched his dog and then ripped his heart out, especially since she was sure said man had something to do with it, she continued her search for their resident entomologist. 

 

He wasn’t hard to find. The scattered papers outside the breakroom had been her first clue, and as she bent to start collecting them, she got her answer. Sara was plastered to a frozen Grissom’s front, practically rutting against him as she spoke softly into his ear. Looking from the scene, to the now collected pile of papers in her hand and noting the familiar N.S. signature, it wasn’t hard to put two and two together. She’d suspected there was something going on between Nick and Grissom, had seen the way the two interacted with each other. Nick had not hid his hero worship very well when he started working there, and something had definitely shifted after evaluations, but then they’d gotten the case that led them to the human trafficking ring and things between the two men had started shifting again. She was happy for them, Nick would be good for Grissom, reminding him that there was an outside world beyond his books and bugs, and Grissom would take on the role of mentor, not unlike he had been. But Catherine also knew Nick was sensitive. While he always gave off the persona of “Lady’s Man”, Catherine could see that underneath the demeanor was a scared little boy terrified of making a mistake and losing everything he cared about. And right there in the beginnings of whatever fledgling relationship the two men were cultivating, Nick had just seen the man he’d given his heart to make no moves to shove away the advances of a member of the opposite sex. A member who had never made an effort to hide her feelings for her boss. 

 

Catherine sighed, sticking the papers back into the folder and catching Grissom’s eye over Sara’s shoulder. They’d known each other a long time, had become adept in conversations passed solely through eye contact, and she could read in his eyes that Sara had been the one to start the advances, he was unable to make them stop, and yes, he had seen Nick’s departure. Deciding to cut the socially inept man some slack, she cleared her throat, watching as Sara sprung away from Grissom almost comically, eyes wide as she focused on Catherine until the deer in the headlights look faded to one that said “seriously! I was getting somewhere before you came in!”  _ Oh honey, no you weren’t,  _ Catherine thought to herself, taking a step into the breakroom. “Sara, I need you to take these to Mandy for me, have her run them and see what she finds.”

 

“But, I…” the young brunette opened her mouth to comment, but evidently rethought it, taking the folder and starting out the door, but not before throwing one more heated look back at Grissom, who was still standing there holding a coffee pot and a mug and looking more than a little startled. Taking the now likely  _ very  _ cold pot of coffee from from his unresisting hands, she stuck it back under the perculator and gave him an expectant look. “I’m guessing that wasn’t your idea.” The man shook his head, lowering his mug to the countertop before crossing his arms over his chest, almost protectively. “No, no it was not. She followed me in saying she wanted to discuss the case, and the next thing I know she’s plastered to me like a tick whispering lewd promises of what she wanted to do to me in varying locations in my ear.” Catherine cocked a finely groomed eyebrow. “And let me guess, you couldn’t shove her away because your hands were full and you didn’t want to douse her with scalding hot coffee?” Grissom gave a sheepish shrug. “She’s young, and while her feelings were misguided and inappropriate, I didn’t think they warranted any physical intervention. Though had you not made an appearance, I was about to dump the pot on her head, superiority be damned.”

 

Catherine nodded, wondering how such a brilliant man could be so thick. She blamed all those damned bugs on his brain. “I take it you saw Nick when he passed?” Grissom’s face fell at the mention of the younger man. “I had no idea he was there until I saw that file hit the ground. Did you see him? Is he alright?” The blonde woman studied the open face before her, reading guilt and worry in every premature line. Then she sighed. “You should go find him, talk to him. Explain to him what happened,” she said. “I’ll hold down the fort.” Nodding his gratitude, Grissom stepped around her and was gone. As she watched him leave, Catherine could only hope that Grissom found Nick before any permanent damage was done. 

****

Nick felt like an idiot as he sat in his car outside his townhouse. He’d fled the crime lab like a bat out of hell. When the others realized he was missing, it was going to raise some questions, but as he sat there with his forehead pressing into the leather of the steering wheel, he couldn’t care less. Grissom had told him repeatedly that he loved him, wanted him. Grissom had made the first moves in regards to their relationship. Grissom had just stood there making no effort to reject Sara’s advances; to push her away and rebuff her feelings for him. To tell her he was in a relationship. What did that make Nick? Just some fling? One of Grissom’s experiments? Was the older man tired of taking it at a snail’s pace? Or did Grissom just realize Nick didn’t have the right parts for him, figured he’d go after the right ones that presented themselves so readily. 

 

Nick felt nauseous at the thoughts. Heart lodged in his throat and eyes burning, he shut off his car and headed inside. Once inside the normally comfortable living space, however, he suddenly felt cold, like someone had forced swamp ice down his throat and it was sitting heavy in the pit of his stomach. Tossing his keys in the general direction of the kitchen table, he made a beeline for the toilet, barely getting the lid up before he was emptying the meager remains of his breakfast; a hastily downed granola bar and a cup of orange juice. He vomited until there was nothing but bile, and then nothing but air but he just couldn’t stop. It was like his body was trying to rid itself of even the thoughts that still raced around his brain like those horses at the betting track. Finally, stomach aching and lungs burning as he fought to drag in ragged breaths, he sat back against the sink, wiping the back of a hand across his mouth only to discover that at some point he’d started crying. Knowing there was no chance in him holding it back any longer, he let his head fall back against the sink base and let the tears fall.

****

Grissom left the crime lab and headed off, mind spinning to figure out where Nick would have gone. It didn’t take him long, and fifteen minutes later he was pulling up next to the familiar vehicle, throwing it into park and jogging up to the front door. “Nick?” he called, rapping a few times and listening for a response. Nothing. “Nicky?” he tried again. “Look, Nicky, we need to talk!” When he was still met with silence, he grew worried, trying the handle only to find it unlocked. Anxiety growing heavy in his stomach, he stepped into the townhouse.

 

With the exception of the keys hastily thrown onto the table, Nick’s house was undisturbed. There were no shoes kicked off by the door, no signs of a prepped meal in the kitchen, and no sounds of a TV in the living room. Maybe he just went to bed?  _ Not likely.  _ Stepping further into the living space, he called out again. “Nicky?” This time he caught a sound coming from the direction of the bedroom. As he got closer, he was able to pinpoint the direction of the sounds, and what exactly they were. Sobs. Heartbroken, world ending sobs. Stepping quietly, he made his way over to the partially open door and peered in. What he saw clenched his heart in a vice and wouldn’t let go. Nick Stokes, the beautiful, vibrant, open hearted man he worked with was curled up on his bathroom floor with his head buried in his knees, sobbing like he’d just had his world ripped away from him. Grissom was shocked. He’d known the CSI was an emotional being, had seen it at more than one crime scene or case, and it had been something that had drawn him to the younger man in the first place. He’d also known how hesitant Nick had been at the start of their relationship. Even now, the man had a way of looking at Grissom like he was just waiting on the shoe to drop, waiting for Grissom to leave him. The blue eyed man could practically feel his heart stop.  _ Oh gods, Sara….  _ Nick had seen them. There was no telling how much he’d seen, but he’d seen Sara plastered to his front, and he must have taken Grissom’s non reactions as acceptance to the young woman’s advances. “Oh, Nicky…”

 

The sobbing man must have heard him, because he looked up, eyes red and face smeared with tears, and even from where he stood Grissom could see the swollen glands around his throat, smell the stale, bitter odor of bile from the open toilet lid. Wet brown eyes were blown wide and startled before morphing into embarrassment, which only seemed to make the tears fall harder. Just like that Grissom was on his knees, closing the lid and pulling his shaking boyfriend into his arms in one fluid motion. Nick went willingly, curling into Grissom’s chest, one hand clenched tight in his supervisor’s polo, the other held tight against a stomach that had to be hurting worse than if someone had taken gut shots in a boxing match. “Shh, shh…. It’s okay, Nicky, just calm down for me, okay? Deep breaths with me. In…. and out…. Come on, sweetheart…” Grissom held tight to the heaving shoulders as the man in his arms fought to comply, one shaky breath in, unable to be held for long before it was being forced back out in a choked cough. The next two didn’t fare much better, but by the fourth, Nick was able to draw it in completely and hold it for a few seconds before it stuttered back out in small huffs. 

 

Grissom lost track of how long they’d been sitting there. All he could focus on was the man in his arms as he gently encouraged deep breaths, one hand rubbing circles into his side while the other cradled the head of dark hair to his tear-soaked shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Nicky,” he whispered, voice scratchy from holding back his own tears. “I’m so sorry you had to see that, I’m so sorry I was too cowardly to handle it before it got that far. I’d never leave you, Nick, especially not like that. I’d just gone for coffee and Sara had cornered me saying she wanted to discuss the case. I hadn’t thought anything of it until she had me pinned to the counter. I’d thought she’d say her piece and then leave, I had no idea she’d try to make a move on me right then and there. I’m so,  _ so  _ sorry you had to see that, Nicky, but you’ve got to believe me when I tell you that I love only you, I have eyes and feelings for only  _ you. _ ”

****

While he talked, Nick’s sobs had slowed to slightly hitched breaths, but he didn’t release his hold on the other man just yet, just held his position until he realized how he must look, covered in snot and tears and reeking of vomit, clinging to his boss like a child, and all over a stupid misconception. Face burning with embarrassment, he went to pull away only to find himself arrested by a pair of strong arms that just pulled him back down. “Stop that,” Grissom said, nosing into Nick’s hair in a way that should not have felt as good as it did. “You have every right to be upset right now, and no right to be ashamed about it. I’m at fault for letting Sara go that far before putting a stop to it, and truth be told I’d been scared. She had me cornered with my hands full, and I very well couldn’t dump coffee on her. I thought she’d say her bit, try to come on to me, and then leave it for when we weren’t at the office anymore, at which point I’d politely decline any offers of extracurricular activities. She didn’t, though. She just kept getting closer and closer. I’ll admit I wasn’t sure what I’d have done if Catherine hadn’t come in and sent her away and me after you.”

 

So that’s why he was here. Catherine had sent him. Before his brain could take him off on another self-doubting tailspin, however, there was a finger under his chin, tilting his head up to meet the piercing blue gaze of the man he’d given his heart to even before they’d gotten together. Grissom didn’t say anything, just bent down, laying feather light kisses on wet cheeks, the tip of a stuffy red nose, a forehead pinched in confusion, and a chin that still trembled just slightly before coming to land on chapped and bitten-red lips. Nick wanted to push away from the kiss, still tasting the bile on his own tongue and not wanting to subject his boyfriend to it, but the older man didn’t seem to care, only pressed harder until Nick’s lips wielded to his demands. They stayed like that until the need for oxygen drove them apart, Grissom finally letting Nick pull away, but not letting him out of his arms. “Why are you here, Grissom?” he finally asked, focusing on the buttons of the man’s navy blue polo because he knew there was no way he’d be able to look him in the eye. “Because my boyfriend was upset, and I couldn’t let him go about thinking the reasons he was thinking.” 

 

Nick shrank in on himself, embarrassed at how easily Grissom had evidently been able to read him, and he heard the other man let out a sigh of frustration, clearly fed up with the younger man’s constant self doubt. “Come on, on your feet,” he ordered, shifting Nick off his lap and using the sink as leverage in order to stand. When Nick made no immediate move to follow, he reached down and grabbed a limp hand, tugging him into compliance. “Come on. I’m getting too old to still be spending all my time on bathroom floors.” To his relief, that comment drew a small snort from the other man, and he led them both back out into the bedroom. With a small nudge to the shoulder, Nick found himself sitting on the edge of the bed, eyes following his boss as the older man opened drawers, pulling out t-shirts and sweatpants before dumping the articles on the bed next to Nick. “Arms up,” came the order, and Nick complied, feeling more than a little silly as his supervisor pulled the sweaty, tear soaked shirt up over his head, replacing it with the cool, soft cotton of another. “Now for your pants. Stand up or lay back, doesn’t matter to me.” Grissom’s voice was soft and even as he delivered the orders, and the sheer normalcy of it went far in soothing the younger CSI’s frayed nerves. 

 

Face flushing at the thought of option two, Nick chose the former, unsteadily rising to his feet before watching as nimble hands undid his belt and popped the button on his jeans, letting the material slide to the ground where he was stepping out of them and into the procured sweatpants before being directed back onto the bed. Shifting into the middle of the mattress, he watched as Grissom quickly shed his tear stained shirt and pants in exchange for the second shirt and pair of sweats he’d pulled out. The sight of the older man in his clothes made something deep inside Nick grow warm. It only grew warmer as the man climbed into the bed as well, pulling the sheets out of the way and guiding Nick back down into his arms, tugging the displaced sheets back over their shoulders. Eyes drooping in sudden exhaustion, Nick let himself be positioned to the older man’s liking until he was resting comfortably with his head on the pillow and back flush against Grissom’s front. “I love you, Nicky,” the older man whispered into his ear, nuzzling against the fine hairs just behind. “Only you, and I’m sorry I was stupid enough to let things get that far.”

 

Nick could hear the grief in the other man’s words, wanted nothing more than to turn and reassure his boyfriend that no, he’d only done what he thought was right and Nick was the one who’d overreacted, but the moment he went to turn, overtaxed stomach muscles made their protest, drawing a sharp gasp followed by a whimper of pain from his lips. He could feel Grissom stiffen immediately before relaxing back, pressing himself closer and sliding one hand over Nick’s hip and under the hem of his t-shirt. “Shh, don’t move. Just relax, Nicky. We can talk about this later. For right now, just let me take care of you, alright?” Nick could only nod, sinking into the mattress as one strong, hot hand gently massaging sore abdominals, rubbing with just the right amount of pressure to slowly ease Nick’s pain and turn the younger man into a pile of goo. 

 

The younger man was quickly losing the battle with sleep, Grissom could tell from the way he’d sunk back against his chest. Leaving his hand on the toned stomach underneath it, he shifted, laying a soft kiss to the hollow just beneath Nick’s ear. “Sleep, Nicky. There will be time for talking later.” Beneath him, Nick shifted just slightly, nearly unconscious by this point. “Mmm, ‘Love ya, Gris…” he mumbled, nuzzling into the pillow, breath evening into long, slow huffs. Grissom smiled, letting his own eyes slide closed. “Love you too, Nicky. Always.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I have reached the season finale of s.7 and decided I need a bit of a "new" break and have returned to the beginning because I do not approve the directions the writers decided to take. It is my most humble opinion that Sara tries too hard and Grissom can do better. 
> 
> It's probably a good thing I don't own this series.


End file.
